By At 4:30 AM, while the world still sleeps,my aunt lucy is already awake. She’s not an early riser by choice—she’s a mother, a wife, a daughter-in-law, and a full-time school secretary. Before her feet touch the cold ground, her mind is already running through the day’s invisible checklist: pack lunch for the children, ensure her husband’s shirts are ironed, check if her mother-in-law needs anything, respond to the WhatsApp group about the upcoming family function, and somehow find time to prepare for the presentation that could determine her payment addition.
This is the invisible load,the mental, emotional, and physical labor that African women carry daily, often without recognition. It’s the burden of being everyone’s backbone while our own spines slowly bend under the weight of expectation.
The invisible sacrifice of Motherhood
In our society, we’ve created different visions: Woman = Mother = Infinite Capacity for Sacrifice. From the moment we’re born, we’re groomed to carry others’ needs before our own. We’re taught that our worth is measured by how much we can endure, how many times we can a doll multiple roles, and how little we complain while doing it.mother there the one who goes behold there strength by sacrificing there own matters to make there family leave in peace..
out of this observation:lucy, a school secretary shows it clear by how she is taking a big sacrifice to her family.she is three full time jobs.her actual carrer which is secretarial,being a mother,and beind the family’s emotional manager.she is the one to remember about her mother’s-inlaw needs,organize family gatherings and ensures everyone felt loved and cared for.But finally lucy broked down,everyone was shoked.they have never seen the work she was doing because it was invisible
This invisible load extends beyond our homes into our workplaces and communities. We’re expected to be the peacekeepers, the ones who remember details and manage relationships. We’re praised for being “strong” and “capable,” but rarely asked if we want to carry all this weight.
The Guilt Economy
Perhaps the most tough aspect of this burden is the guilt economy that sustains it. We’re made to feel guilty for wanting time for ourselves, for pursuing our diseres, for saying no to additional responsibilities. The guilt is so deeply ingrained that we often don’t recognize it as a form of social control.
A woman called mary felt guility for wanting to go to school.she is a mother of three children.she keep asking deep in her mind who is going to take care of her children since his husband is there.does he take equal responsibility like her wife mary?..But finaly Mary finds a plan and she joins the school.in addition mary has to arrange for house help,cordinate with relatives ,creat a time for her childrens and create time for everyone.
This guilt economy thrives on the myth that women are naturally better at multitasking, more responsible for maintaining family harmony. But these aren’t natural traits—they’re learned behaviors reinforced by generations of social conditioning.
The motherhood Professional Penalty
In the workplace, the invisible load manifests as the “second shift”—the expectation that women will handle office housekeeping tasks alongside their professional responsibilities. We’re asked to organize office parties, take notes in meetings, and manage team dynamics. These tasks, while important, rarely appear in job performance reviews.
Joice she is a volunter as software developer,she has a responsibility of welcoming new employees.her male colleagues are never expected to do these things.When she stopped volunteering for these tasks,she was labeled as not a team member.But when men focused on their technical work,they were seen as dedicated professionals
The invisible load in professional settings often translates to what researchers call the “motherhood penalty”.the assumption that women with children are less committed to their careers, less available for challenging assignments, and less deserving of promotions.
Breaking the Cycle
By having an idea of invisible load, the first step is breaking it.This isn’t about rejecting there roles as mothers or wifes,but about questioning why those roles come as a burden responsibilities.
Here are some ways we can begin to shift this matters Start documenting the invisible work you do. Make lists of the mental, emotional, and physical tasks you handle daily. Share these lists with your family members and colleagues.
Instead of asking for help with “your” responsibilities, reframe household and family tasks as shared responsibilities that need to be distributed fairly.
When you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself, ask where that guilt comes from. Is it serving you, or is it serving a system that benefits from your unpaid labor?
How the young women in your life that they don’t have to carry everyone else’s burdens. Teach them that their worth isn’t measured by how much they Sacrifice
When women begin to shed the invisible load, the effects ripple through families and communities. Children learn that household responsibilities belong to everyone. Partners develop skills they never knew they needed. Communities become more equitable and sustainable.
But perhaps most importantly, women begin to reclaim their energy, their time, and their sense of self. We remember that we are not just mothers, wives, and daughters—we are individuals with dreams, ambitions, and the right to pursue them without guilt.
True strength isn’t about how much we can carry—it’s about knowing when to put the load down. It’s about teaching others to carry their fair share and refusing to accept “that’s just how things are” as an acceptable answer.
The invisible load has been carried by generations of African women who had no choice. But we do have choices. We can choose to redistribute this burden, to challenge the systems that created it, and to model a different way of being for the women who come after us.
Our backs are strong, but they were never meant to carry the weight of the world. It’s time to share the load and reclaim our power —not as everyone’s backbone, but as the architects of our own lives.
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*What invisible loads are you carrying? How might your life change if you put some of them down?*
