The Pressure to Be a Man is Slowly Killing Us

The Pressure to Be a Man is Slowly Killing Us

They told us to be strong. 
They told us not to cry. 
They told us to provide, protect, and persist  no matter what it cost us.

From the moment a boy starts to grow, there’s an invisible armor he’s expected to wear. It’s called manhood, and while society celebrates it, very few stop to ask if the boy underneath that armor is okay.

In Kenya, like many places around the world, manhood is defined by how much you earn, how much you endure, and how much you can hide. Struggle silently. Hustle endlessly. Never show weakness.

I’ve seen men collapse under this pressure. Friends who laugh loudly in public but are battling depression privately. Fathers who provide everything for their families but have nothing left for themselves. Young men who feel like failures by 25 because they don’t drive, own land, or have “a plan.”

 

 

 

We don’t talk about this enough. The mental toll of masculinity is a silent epidemic. The fear of appearing weak keeps many men from asking for help even when they desperately need it. Some escape into alcohol, others into toxic pride. A few vanish completely, swallowed by depression or debt.

But here’s the truth: being a man shouldn’t mean suffering in silence.

Masculinity isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about showing up with honesty, with effort, with emotion. Growth isn’t only about building businesses or lifting weights. It’s also about unlearning the lies we were told about emotions, therapy, and rest.

We need to raise a generation of men who aren’t ashamed to feel. Who aren’t afraid to fail. Who know that real strength includes softness, and that asking for help is not weakness  it’s wisdom.

Until we start having these conversations openly, we’ll keep losing good men to quiet pain.

And the most tragic part? Nobody will know how much they were carrying until it’s too late.