By By Antony Kamau Macharia
“Be a man.”
That’s what we’re told from the time we’re boys — but no one ever explains what that really means. In Kenya, manhood isn’t just about growing older — it’s about carrying silent expectations: to provide, protect, endure, and never show weakness. The problem is, these
expectations are choking us quietly. We’re breaking inside, but we keep smiling on the outside. It’s time we talked about it.
The Unspoken Rules We Grow Up With
From a young age, boys are taught to toughen up. We’re told to hide our tears, solve our problems quietly, and never depend on anyone. If a man opens up, he’s “weak.” If he’s struggling financially, he’s “not man enough.” Society has set rules that men must follow — rules that punish emotional honesty and reward silent suffering.
No one talks about the emotional toll this takes. A man can be drowning in pressure, but all he hears is: “You’re a man — deal with it.”
The Pressure to Provide is Crushing
Let’s be honest — a man without money is treated like he has no worth. Whether it’s from family, friends, or relationships, we’re judged by how much we earn, not how we feel. Men are expected to work nonstop, provide for everyone, and never complain.
Even when jobs are scarce and the economy is hard, the expectation stays the same. It doesn’t matter if you’re tired or depressed — if you’re not providing, you feel like a failure. That pressure is heavy, and it’s slowly destroying our mental health.
No Room for Weakness
How many men have broken down in silence because they had no one to talk to? Mental health isn’t something most men in Kenya are allowed to talk about. You’ll hear “just pray,” or “be strong.” But what if strength also means being honest about pain?
We keep everything inside — the fears, the disappointments, the anger. That silence becomes a prison. Some men escape it through alcohol, others through isolation. But deep down, we’re just scared of being seen as less than “a real man.”
It’s Time We Spoke Up
We need to change how we define masculinity. Being a man shouldn’t mean being emotionless or constantly carrying the world alone. It should mean being human — feeling things, asking for help, showing love, and lifting others up.
It’s time for real conversations. Men need safe spaces to talk, to cry, to heal. We need to support each other instead of silently competing over who’s suffering more.
If we don’t change this culture, more men will keep suffering quietly — and some won’t survive it.
� Endnote:
Written by Antony Kamau Macharia
Category: Marks Contributor
Topic: Men’s Identity & Mental Health in Kenya
